I don't know why I have to write to Els. It's not that she gives a hoot about me. I think instead of banking on her, I just do it sparingly.
Let's see if we can manage without me going head over heel for her like a headless chicken.
---------------------------------------------------------
The good thing about fasting is I get clarity of purpose in my thoughts, feelings, and actions.
Like for example, it gets me to question the sensibility of my one-sided relationship with Els.
Normally a person will move away from a necrophiliac relationship. I should consider the option.
I don't want to be in a make-believe relationship with her.
This fasting makes me realize that I need to apply Ockham's Razor in this situation as well.
I want to live my life progressing from strength to strength. Either I move towards positive vibes or I move away from negative vibes.
I cannot just be sitting on the fence, thinking that she is moving in my direction while in reality, she doesn't even care.
So I'll do what a sensible person will do, I just do the things that make me happy. My happiness is in being a Great Giver. Therefore in the spirit of Charity Begins at Home, I start by being nice to myself and those who reciprocate my kindness.
Why live a life of delusion? From here on I decide to call a spade a spade.
If there is nothing, it will be pointless to assume there is something. That is a major delusion. I had been at my best behavior. If that is not good enough, then there is simply nothing to look forward to in this relationship.
I should be able to cut off from all forms of false beliefs and simply accept the harsh reality of my situation.
-------------------------------------------------------
What is the middle way then?
Just rely on the input without channeling the output back to her.
In my case, what matters is the signal. The signal doesn't require feedback loo[k] (loop). The whole system is just a simple flowchart.
I might as w[i]ll (well) focus on things that matter. In this case to keep on producing Quality Output by writing the blog. After all, it is the nature of the algorithm. If I put too high of an expectation, I am only heading for disappointment.
--------------------------------------------------------------
I had completed External Affairs. Naturally, the only way to go is to recede to Personal Affairs. With this new outlook in my realization of what it means to be an Athlete4Life. I might as well focus on making that into a reality. It is more fulfilling than sitting on the middle of the fence.
If I can conclude that the blog is the end-all-be-all tool for me to keep myself occupied, then what counts is the output I produce here. The rest are merely the input signals from the environment.
Let's look at it this way; if I can run the marathon, quit the 3 Cs, and cure myself of Bipolar Disorder, I am already above the crowd in my persistence and perseverance. I don't need to be chasing rainbows while in actual fact I can already enjoying my pot of gold.
Therefore, if I choose to walk the path of less traveled alone, then the shortest route looks like this:
THE CURE, LADY GAGA
Well, I guess when I fast, I become moody... It's negative thoughts that are doing the talking.
I better sleep... Goodnight Sarah. I love you so much.
mm
No comments:
Post a Comment